Lost at school 1&2

Lost at school by Ross Greene

Take a look at some of the judgments we like to make:

·         He just wants his own way.  Again, says Greene, we all want our own way, and most of us are able to complete it adaptively.  But that requires skills often found lacking in these kids.

·         He just wants attention. Greene says we all want attention.

Children are seeking attention in maladaptive way.

·         He’s manipulating us.  Greene responses about behaviorally challenged kids described as being manipulative are those least capable to pulling it off.

Various skills requires manipulation — forethought, planning, impulse control and organization — which are characteristically lacking in these children. 

·         He’s not motivated.  Greene finds this to be a form of the old “kids do well if they want to,” which he contends ought to be reframed as “kids do well if they can.” 

·         He has a bad attitude.  Greene say,  he probably didn’t start out with one, and “bad attitudes” tend to be the by-product of countless years of being misunderstood and over punished by adults who didn’t recognize a kid lacking crucial thinking skills.  Kids are resilient, he thinks; they come around if we start doing the right thing.

·        He’s making bad choices.  Greene question if kids are able to make good choices.

·        His parents are incompetent disciplinarians.  It fails to take into account the fact that most challenging kids have well-behaved siblings.  And this statement doesn’t help anyone at school deal effectively with the child while he’s in the building.

·        He has a mental illness.  Even if the child meets diagnostic criteria and may even benefit from psychotropic medication, Greene feels this description is a nonstarter.  “Mentally ill” is a limiting way to describe people with social, emotional and behavioral challenges.  Call it “problems in living,” and assist in teaching adaptive thinking.

·         His brother was the same way.   So it’s the gene pool.  But we can’t do anything about that, and chances are his brother lacked the same important thinking skills.

Question for the group:

·         1. What was your reaction to the incident involving Joey introduced in the first chapter? Who seems to be suffering in this narrative? Why?

2. Do you believe anyone was at fault for what happened? Do you think any of the staff members could have reacted differently to Joey?